Adoption - Think Before Adopting - Not Afterwards

There are many serious questions to answer for our selves, in addition to the details required by the government agencies dealing with adoption of children.

No doubt one of the most obvious is - will the newcomer fit into the existent family, whether or no there are other children involved?

Is this inclination to adopt born of a great love of children; or from your compassion for their misfortune; from personal loneliness and desire for a child to help your marriage; is it a mutual desire of both husband and wife; and can you overcome any feeling of possessiveness should the child grow up to seek blood relatives? This last is very important of course and to a great extent is becoming easier as adopted children have been given encouragement to seek our their birth families after they reach maturity. The responsibility of caring for a child is a constant and ongoing one and generally your lives will not be ever as they were before. Some couples absorb an adopted child very successfully into their own existent family of children with none of the considered difficulties being obvious. But usually there are many adjustments to anticipate and couples who have no children of their own are apt to suffer some subtle difficulties not shared by larger families.

They can become so overly protective, possessive or absorbed in the upbringing of an adopted child that their own marriage suffers. Unless there has been discussion and all the potential situations ironed out to their mutual satisfaction, prior to the arrival of the child, problems are apt to come up for discussion in the presence of the newcomer. So there is a vital need for communication beforehand.

A child coming into the home affects everything, from financial situation, health considerations, lifestyle changes, extra responsibilities, educational matters and a thousand other considerations regarding the best possible benefit you can offer a child. This is of course a matter which affects all parents, but natural parents have time to adjust and adoptive parents must sometimes condense this interval because of circumstances.

But a child coming into the family will add an enormous emotional ingredient of extended opportunities for affection, care and generosity of spirit – and if you are fortunate, yours will be the recipient of much affection and the focus of much exchange of affection as well as offering all manner of new interests resulting from another little life coming into your world.

It is rare to find no need for counseling of some sort to help new parents cope with an adoptive child and many potential complications can be attached to this new relationship. Sometimes the circumstances relate to the child’s birth parents and family, or nationality, sometimes because of previous marriages and prior progeny of the adoptive parents. But of course most problems arise without any prior warning, even after you have been diligent prospective parents and have thought that you have covered any possible eventuality! So it is good to have a counselor on hand.

The sex of the new member of the household is a strong factor to consider and although sometimes a decision has to be made quickly because of events and possibly within the system of adoption itself, it is good to make this decision well beforehand if possible. It is not just a case of pink or blue decor – it is a potentially highly charged emotional factor and both parents must feel completely happy and in accord with the decision.

There are many well-known avenues of social aid to help adoptive parents which extend from material assistance to psychological help.

Although many hereditary factors beyond any physical characteristics of the child will be known to you, there are many more questionable areas that you will possibly never understand or even be able to adjust to, or to hope to direct as you would like. In this area, great help is offered by knowing not only the date of birth but also the hour of birth, so that a professional astrologer can draw up the horoscope of the child. It is not always known that not only the zodiacal sign will give you the general personality traits, both good and bad, that you can anticipate, but that the so called Rising Sign calculated at the moment of birth, will indicate the child’s innate talents and guide you how to encourage these to be developed fully under your new role as parents and careers. Some prior knowledge of the inner nature and personality of the little soul you are putting your hand up to helping in the art of living can assist in creating greater harmony between all members of the family.

It is a wonderful thing to be prepared to look after a child, whether it is your own natural one or from the union of others. Hopefully, it will be an enriching and rewarding experience; and of mutual benefit to all concerned.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Adoptions